2023-2024

When I first saw this photo, I thought it was innocent and pure. A seemingly ordinary photo with two women that smile innocently at the camera. The captured moment belongs to a time long before my existence, a time marked by numerous highs and lows. The naive young girl is, in fact, my mother, and the woman holding her is my “Nainai,” which means grandmother in Chinese. The picture was taken in a special photo booth in Jiangxi, six years before the introduction of the One-Child Policy. Do you see the sweater the little girl is wearing? It was hand-sewed by my grandmother. My grandmother had 5 kids. Only one boy; the little boy passed away 4 months before this photo was taken. She was heartbroken. The little boy was supposed to carry on the legacy of the Wang family. She smiled with a broken heart, holding back tears. The rate of mortality was high in China in the 1970s. It was very rare to survive any deadly diseases, if you are unlucky enough to catch one. The photo was taken to preserve what little memory you had of someone.

I remember my grandmother telling me softly, “Back then, opportunities for women were rare, especially in the countryside. I had to let go of many dreams to nurture and raise your mother.” Her challenges were shaped by the rural landscape, where life meant taking care of five mischievous kids, hard work in the fields, and sleepless nights. Her sacrifice, often unseen, spoke volumes, from setting aside dreams to prioritize her children, to facing the trials of rural life with grit. Her commitment became a testament to the depth of her love and devotion.

Fast forward to my mother, inheriting this legacy of sacrifice and resilience. “I learned from Grandma that family is everything, especially when you grow up in the countryside,” She told me while we were flipping through the family photo album. At the age of 17, my mother moved to Shenzhen. In this rapidly evolving urban city, she worked diligently, and it was here that she met my father. Six years later, they welcomed me into the world. In a city changing at its own pace, my mom didn't just follow the lessons from her mom, she also dealt with the difficulties of living in a new environment without any help from her family. She holds me close like grandma used to hold her. Managing the needs of our new family, she balanced providing for the family and making a caring and stable home. Her sacrifices weren't just about things you can touch, like giving emotional support and time, but also about giving her own dreams to make sure I was okay. Those sacrifices, voice through the experiences of my grandmother and mother, were not just duties but expressions of love, resilience, and an unyielding belief in family bonds. I still remember my grandmother telling me this: “Strength is not just what you can to, but what you are wiling to give up for those you love.”

Every time I glance at this photo, it recalls the sacrifices they made – working hard physically and mentally so that I would have a better future without any worries. Sacrifice, I realize, isn't a heavy burden but a testament to the strength of character. As I stand in the story of out family's past, the sacrifices made by my mother and grandmother have a profound impact on me.

Tick tock tick tock! Don’t snooze! Don’t snooze!
That’s my alarm and it’s time to wake up!
Open your eyes to see things you missed out!
Oh dear! Oh dear… your head turns red
You’re angry and later you’ll be scared!
Please don’t cry darling just open your eyes!
All of your whys, his answers are lies!
Don’t rip your skin, don’t cut your wrist, don’t punch your face!
Mama said you’re not worthless, you just need an embrace.
Tick tock tick tock! Don’t snooze! Don’t snooze!
Stop dreaming while your eyes are open
Papa said it’s bad for your brain
Procrastinating is your number one pain
Oh dear you’re crying? While cramming?
Just like a candle that the fire is slowly dying.
Tick tock tick tock! Arrggghhhh!!!!
I’m gonna wake up now for these wasted times,
Nothing lies, flying flies around my head,
Daydreaming and screaming to all my regrets.
Tick tock tick tock! Rang! Rang! Rang!
That’s my alarm and i know that it’s time to wake up
I have to open my eyes now to see all the things that i missed out.

Coco is a 2017 animated movie directed by Lee Unkrich from Pixar Animation Studios, the movie’s setting is heavily inspired by the Mexican holiday called “Dia de los Muertos” or Day of the Dead. A festive holiday where Mexicans honour their deceased ancestors displaying their photographs in an “ofrenda” or an altar with offerings of food and items they treasured and loved. The movie follows a boy named Miguel who accidentally finds himself in the Land of the Dead during Dia de los Muertos. In the movie, shortly after Miguel was transported in the Land of the Dead, a system is introduced: a soul cannot pass the bridge that goes to the Land of the Living to visit relatives unless their photograph is displayed in an ofrenda. Guards patrol the border to prevent souls that belong to a marginalised group from crossing, Hector, the second main character being one of them.

In a 2020 video critique by Eli Licorice titled “Coco’s Feel-Good Oppression”, Licorice talks about the system in the movie “Coco” and its correlation to the real life system. The video critique is broken down into three main points: the system in Coco, the system in stories, and the system in real life. Licorice starts by pointing out the system in Coco where the photos in the ofrenda can be viewed as passports and the offerings as currency. The more famous and remembered one is, the more they have in their disposal. Dividing the population into those who have many offerings, the middle class “barely surviving” citizens, and those dying from having nothing—like in real life. By the end of the movie, the second main character no longer struggles from the system, giving a feel-good ending to the movie. However, the oppressive system is not abolished. The system of the social and the economical hierarchy in the Land of the Dead still exists, just that the underdog that the movie wanted its audience to root for is no longer under its mercy. Therefore deeming it a happy ending. A clear display of selective empathy

“Wreck-it Ralph” is a 2012 animated comedy movie directed by Rich Moore produced by Walt Disney, the setting of the movie is inside an arcade game where the main character Ralph is given the “villain character” in the game’s story. No longer wanting to be the antagonist, Ralph decides to leave his game and venture onto other arcade game in pursuit of his dream of becoming the hero. The second part of the video critique talks about the system in stories: the “unjust” and “unfortunate”. In Wreck-it Ralph the main character Ralph faces prejudice from the “nicelanders”, the “NPC'' or the Non-Playable Characters in the game (Cambridge Dictionary). Ralph gets treated unfairly due to his villain role in the lore of the arcade game, the thing that he cannot change and is out of his control; A situation that can only be described as discrimination, making his circumstances “unjust”. The main problem in the movie “Wreck-it Ralph” is not the system, but rather the people surrounding it. It is not his role that is the problem, but how they treated him because of his role. The movie ends with the nicelanders realising Ralph’s importance to their world, and Ralph accepting his role as a villain character. Whereas In the movie “Coco”, the cause of the injustice and Hector’s suffering is the system, a system that will always have people on the bottom and on the top. Fundamental changes needed to happen for Hector to improve his situation, making it just an “unfortunate” circumstance of being in the bottom of the hierarchy.

In real life we are categorised in multiple areas. On a wider lens, people are grouped geographically, racially, financially, socially—and on a shallow note, aesthetically. Like in Coco, our system in real life is based on the social and the economical hierarchy where some people have more power and rights. The population is divided from those who have privilege, middle class, and dying from having nothing or low-income. Depending on how powerful one’s passport is the more access they have to multiple countries without needing a visa, while people with weaker passports go through the limbo for months or years trying to have their visas approved. A struggle the privileged and wealthy would not understand. Money can solve almost everything, wealth tops everything on the list. The system that we have in real life is the combination of what Licorice described in his second point as an “unjust” and an “unfortunate” system. We get all the bad parts of the good system and the entirety of the bad system. In the “good system” in Wreck-it Ralph where the system is not the main problem but the discrimination Ralph faced from the people around it, the movie ends on a good note where the system continued as it was from the beginning till the end. In Coco, although the social inequity Hector faced is gone and he was allowed to have basic rights like walking pass the bridge, the oppressive system still exists and nothing really changes aside from one person escaping the bottom of the system. In real life, the majority of lower middle class to low-income citizens have experienced the discrimination and misfortune of being in the bottom.

The last part of the video critique showed a clip from a television show where a woman from Honduras was essentially being targeted and racially profiled by the airport police at the Madrid airport. Based on her passport and nationality, guards assumed that she was visiting with the intention of engaging in illegal activities; And based on her appearance, they questioned why someone who does not look wealthy would be willing to pay for an expensive plane ticket and only stay for three days. By the end of the search, they have found nothing to support their suspicions. However, they refused to let the woman go and handed her to the national police. It was horrifying to watch.

Correlations frequently made from the animated movies to real life kept the video critique interesting and relatable. Thought-invoking points that made perfect sense but I have personally not connected until I have watched the video kept my attention. My only criticism of the video is that the second point is not interesting enough to leave an impression and stand on its own as an independent point, but rather exists as a bridge supporting Licorice’s first point and last point, making the video critique feel dragged out in the middle of the video. However, the addition of Licorice’s personal experiences is the highlight of the video critique. I am sure many people will relate to his frustrations with airports, but his story about having a weak passport and the anxiety he feels every time a situation that requires his passport occurs has especially resonated with me as a person with a third world country passport. It makes us as viewers connect to him on a personal level.

The normalisation of systemic oppression in writing creates the narrative that suffering through the system is a part of life. When it is written to be a feel-good story that makes us root for the underdog, it creates the mentality that is forced on the lower middle class to lower class that: if you do not try hard enough, you only have yourself to blame. Completely shifting the blame over the victim of the system. On a different point of view, I am not opposed to the message that pushes people to do better. Realistically speaking, tackling the system and wanting it removed is idealistic. Although I do agree that changes should be made, completely abolishing the system as a whole would result in chaos. The whole purpose of creating a system in the first place is to create order, not play favourites.

The worn pages of my photo album tell tales that unfolded in unexpected ways. One photo, in particular, transports me back to 2008, at a moment captured at St. Joseph's Girls Senior Secondary School, Nsambya. In the photo is a younger version of myself carrying my one-year old daughter, Genesis. Looking closely, I reflect on the journey that led me here – a journey mixed with challenges and a glimmer of hope amid my struggles.

In the photo – taken after the speech day performances, behind the gatekeeper's quarters, scared of other students seeing me carrying a child and resuming the bullying and calling me nicknames: “smelly cow,” “Malaya” (which means prostitute in Uganda) – Genesis holds onto me, her gaze fixed on those in front of us with a curiosity that mirrors my own questions. “Who is looking at me? Who is this woman and how did she get my child? What is she doing here and now?” Those questions run through my head.

I hadn't seen my mother since the day she left my brothers and me, when I was seven years old. I hadn't seen my daughter since the night I gave birth to her. I hadn't seen any family member or relative since my 'husband' threw me in a boarding school a day after I had given birth. And now here they were, two of the most important people I longer to see that I didn't even think were still alive.

“Why are you here and who gave you my child?” I asked my mother while she took photos of Genesis and me. I was angry at her and happy at the same rime; still worried about my fellow students seeing me with my child. I had a mixture of emotions that day! She told me that my father had legally restricted her from seeing us, but since he wasn't my legal guardian anymore, she searched for my 'husband' and asked for his permission to see my daughter and to come to the speech day ceremony with her. She told me that she had to convince him that it would help me mentally to see her.

My mother asked Sister Bonnie, my teacher, who was also standing in front of us, “What dreams do you think fuel her determination to persevere and what reflections do you think Genesis sees in her mother? Do you know that, at 13 years old, she faced a harsh reality og being sold by my father to his wealthy friend?” Sister Bonnie replied, “Yes, I do, and I heard she lost her hope and innocence in just two days.”

I looked at my mother and saw tears running down her cheeks. She muttered, “You're stronger than you think.” I pretended I didn't hear what she said, but those words became a mantra that pushed me through the toughest times. “Your strength will pave a way for Genesis' future,” but I pretended still! But her words echoed like a beacon of hope in moments of doubt. We didn't talk much because we didn't have much to say to each other, but I was happy to see my daughter. Now that I think of it, it wasn't a mere speech day to me, it was a violent proclamation of resilience overcoming the shadows cast by a past I had no control over and that threatened to extinguish any flicker of hope.

This photo encapsulates a story of struggle and resilience, but more importantly, it encapsulates hope. Genesis, with her cute eyes, became a source of renewed sense of purpose. My journey at 13 might have been marked by darkness, but Genesis emerged as a beacon of light, infusing my life with hope.

The picture is a testament to strength from adversity, the resilience found in the love between a mother and daughter. I realize that the picture of Genesis on Speech Day 2008 is more than a frozen moment, it is a powerful narrative of strength, resilience, and unwavering hope that emerged from unexpected places. In the innocence of a child, I found strength to rebuild, and in life's challenges, I discovered resilience to overcome.

Growing up in an Asian household, a traditional one at that; being told to not speak unless spoken to, do not think unless you’re told to. You can be a Doctor, a Lawyer or Disowned. You go against their wishes and you may no longer have a home.

 Listen to your elders. They're older, much wiser, they can do no wrong for they know so much more; they've experienced hardships you yourself have never experienced before.

It’s okay, just listen to what they have to say. They're older, wiser and know much more. They see a future you yourself have never seen before. You need not worry about your own thoughts for that is not what you've been taught. You know right from wrong, you write words not songs. Words that will take you down the path that was already written in stone. 

You feel alone. 

You start to stray. You start to question the things you've been taught up until today, maybe thinking outside the box, being able to question things are okay; or maybe they're not.

 You start to wonder, you wonder why you constantly feel as if you're being pulled underwater. You thrash about in hopes of being able to take a single breath.

You feel lost, you follow their rules, their dreams and aspirations but at what cost? Is it okay? To be curious about different things, to have thoughts of your own, to be able to speak for yourself but no. Because if you do such things you're not at where you need to go.

It’s okay. They're older, much wiser and know so much more despite you doing as they say no matter what it may be it’s still not okay. The hardships make them feel qualified unless you experienced the same they will not be satisfied. The path you walk is what they once sought, they fought for their chance but lost so they teach. 

They teach that what they once wanted is merely out of reach. But for you? They stay, telling you right from wrong and that at the end of the day, it will be okay.

It’s okay they said, everything will be alright. 

It’s okay they said, for they know what's right.

It’s okay they said, they’ll guide you to their light.

It’s okay they said, there's no need to put up a fight.

It’s okay It’s okay It’s okay It’s okay…

Over and over and over and over like a ticking time bomb is about to go off;  the same words repeat in your mind; It’s okay, It’s okay, It’s okay, It’s okay… 

No it’s not okay.

You realize that It’s okay to think differently, to have your own thoughts despite being told it's for naught. It’s okay to have your own dreams, to want to do different things and even if it stings you will spread your wings. Should you go against their wishes; like how the world is an ocean and they’re all merely fishes.

It’s okay to not view the world as they have made it out to be; that you yourself are anything you want to be.

 It's okay to want to break free, to see the things they said not to see. To learn that their hardships are not your own, but despite that they are still very well known, you learn that it’s okay to not be okay. 

You learn that yes they may be older, and a bit wiser and they might just  know a bit more but much like them you chose to fight. Against their wishes you will see your light. The light that you saw a mere glimmer of only once before; that the path they chose is not meant to be yours. Their former aspirations are merely exasperations and at the end of the day you will be okay…. And if you're not? It’s okay to not be okay.